I sit on a swing at my favorite park and glance to my left at the playground equipment. As my eyes focus on my oldest it dawns on me what I’m seeing, what I’ve been seeing since we arrived over an hour ago.
He is perched above the monkey bars, surveying the neighborhood from close to ten feet above ground. I feel no fear as I watch him; I know he is fully capable of climbing to that height, but I am suddenly hit with the question,
When did this happen?
When did he get big enough to do these tricks? How have I never noticed how grown up he’s gotten? How did I miss this?
Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was here with him, lifting him onto the equipment because he couldn’t yet walk, holding his hands as he went down the slide, pushing him on the baby swing while he giggled in delight?
Wasn’t it just yesterday?
Sometimes he gets up in the morning and he’s grown over night. He’s taller than he was when I tucked him in the evening before. I know I can’t stop it, I shouldn’t stop it, I don’t really want to stop it, even though I think I do.
But wasn’t it just yesterday that I could hold him in my arms, in one arm? His head would rest in the crook of my elbow and the span of his body was no longer than my forearm. We’d rock as he slept, his tiny fingers hooked over the collar of my shirt, reassuring both of us that he needed me as much as I needed him.
Wasn’t it just yesterday?
He sits beside me on the big rocks in our backyard. I stare down at his legs and realize they are covered in hair that is no longer downy. It’s still light in color, but soon it will darken and become noticeable to more than just the one who has memorized all his features.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that I marveled at his soft as silk skin? His long, yet impossibly tiny fingers? The peach fuzz hair that soon rubbed off onto his clothes and bassinet?
Wasn’t it just yesterday?
An ache begins in my chest as I stare at the legs of this growing child. He won’t need me much longer.
As though reading my thoughts, he suddenly scoots closer and rests his head on my shoulder.
“Mommy,” he says with a contented sigh.
Today he still needs me.
Today he is still my little boy.
Today I’ll focus on today.
Because all too soon, today will be gone and I’ll be left wondering,
Heather aka HoJo says
Your honesty gets me every time. Fighing back tears now… Great post!
Lauren says
Thanks Heather!
Kristen says
Oh girl, I’m with you/ My girls are making their own lunches and played for an hour without me. Soon it will be a whole day. Sigh.
Alessandra Ferguson says
OH GIRL! This gives me all the feels. My baby girl is about to be one at the end of the month and I am just like where did the time go? I don’t even what to think about my oldest!
tove maren says
I almost looked my 9 year old in the eyes today… standing up… he is getting freakishly tall – and I don’t want that for him – or me… yeah – it’s that I don’t it for me. He’s probably super excited to be tall like my husband. UGH – STOP GROWING UP KIDS!