Movies I’ve Never Seen

The other day some friends were talking about their ‘must-see’ Christmas movies. Almost everyone included Miracle on 34th St on their list. When I mentioned that I’ve never seen it, there was a general consensus that I have to watch it.

This got me thinking about all the movies I’ve never seen. So here they are, in no particular order.

Miracle on 34th St: We’ve already established this. Let’s move on.

James Bond: None of them. I have seen no James Bond movies. Well, actually I saw about 5 minutes of one with Daniel Craig. He was playing a card game. And then there was a fully clothed girl crying in the shower. That’s all I saw. I’ve heard that the ones with Sean Connery are the best and the ones with Roger Moore are the worst. Do you have to watch them in order or do they each stand alone?

The Rocky Movies: None of these either. Nor do I care to.

The Godfather Movies: Geesh. All these classic men movies that have gone un-watched. My poor husband! Eric, if you’re reading this and want to have a man movie marathon, I’m game! Unless you want to watch the Rocky movies. In that case, please see my previous comments.

Psycho: I hate horror movies! Once I saw an episode of The X-Files where this alien would come through people’s toilets to eat them. I still occasionally think of that while I’m peeing and I have to check to make sure nothing’s coming for me through the pipes. Obviously I don’t need the added horror of thinking about someone coming to kill me while I shower.

Annie Hall: Or any other movie by Woody Allen, that I know of.

Sixteen Candles/Say Anything/St. Elmo’s Fire/Pretty in Pink: I don’t think I need to explain why I lumped these ones together. I probably missed the hubbub surrounding them  when they all came out because I was still learning how to walk and talk and read and write. Don’t worry though. I’ve seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and The Breakfast Club, so I’m not a total loss.

Ben Hur: Yeah. I don’t really have anything to say about this one.

To Kill a Mockingbird: Will I be shunned if I say that I’ve never read the book either? I think the book and movie will both go to the top of my ‘must-see’ list.

Now let’s move on to Movies I WISH I’d Never Seen:

American Pie and Superbad: I combine these for two reasons. 1) They are both disgusting for the same reasons. Call me conservative, call me a prude, call me whatever you want. I don’t find that humor funny. At all. It’s just gross. 2) I saw both of these movies at the theater. The previews made them look funny and not at all about what they really were about. If you’re going to advertise a movie, you should let people know what it’s actually about.

The Notebook: I can hear all the women screaming in protest right now. Here’s the thing: It’s not that I wish I hadn’t seen this movie so much as that I just don’t understand why women like it so much. The two main characters know each other for what, like, three weeks before they’re separated for years and years without any contact? And they never stop loving each other in all that time? Come on. How well do you know someone after three weeks? I’ll tell you. You don’t! He could be a serial killer for all she knows. Hmm, maybe that would have made it more interesting. But then again, I don’t like horror movies.

Lake Placid: The only redeemable part of this movie was Betty White.

Almost every movie I’ve seen with George Clooney: Except for the Ocean’s movies. This is weird to me because I think he’s decent actor. Apparently he just chooses bad movies. Conversely, I think Nicholas Cage is a terrible actor, but I like almost every movie I’ve seen him in.

So, what’s on your list?