Oh, Honestly!

Real Life for Real Moms

The Madness of the Female Mind

By

 

The Madness of the Female Mind (1)

The Madness of the Female Mind

“It’s mid-month. You know what that means: The worst week of the month.”

“It’s funny; I thought I would be devastated when the baby days were over. They were what I always dreamed of, but now that the kids are all a little bit older, I’m really enjoying this new stage. Life is good.”

“Huh, it hasn’t started yet. Even the hubs noticed. No big deal; I’m only a day or two late.”

“Still nothing. What if….? No, of course I’m not. I’m fixed, for goodness sake.”

“I have heard about women who have gotten pregnant after having a tubal. But no. I’m just late.”

“What if I am?? Oh my goodness, I can’t be.”

“I could be.”

“We’re done. I’m in a good place. I can’t start all over! That would be awful.”

“If I am, I don’t want to find out the gender this time. How fun would it be to find out in the delivery room?!”

“We got rid of all the baby stuff. We’d have to buy it all again. That stuff is expensive! I can’t be pregnant!”

“I feel a little nauseous.”
“It’s nauseated.”
“What?”
“You feel nauseated. Not nauseous.”
“Are you kidding me? I could be pregnant and you’re correcting my grammar??”
“Oh come on. You’re totally imagining symptoms now that you think it’s an actual possibility.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. But I do feel nauseo… nauseated.”

“Ohhhh, I really really love how things are now. I can chase my three year old without worrying about leaving a baby sitting in a stroller somewhere. We can go places with all three kids without taking half the house with us. Pleeeease, pleeease, don’t let me be pregnant.”

“What would we name this one?”

“Still nothing. Man.”

“If I’m pregnant, that means I wouldn’t have to have my period this month. Or for the next nine months!”
“Wait, are you saying that the physical, emotional, and financial stress of having your period for a week outweighs the physical, emotional, and financial stress of raising a child for 18+ years??”

“I wonder if this baby would be a good nurser. It would have to be pretty laid back with me running the other three around all the time.”

“Maybe I should buy a test. No, I’ll wait another few days.”

“I can’t be.”

“I might be.”

“It started. I’m not pregnant. Oh thank goodness!”

“It started. I’m not pregnant. Aww, man.”

 

About Lauren

If you enjoy picture-perfect home decor, perfectly prepared recipes, and perfectly behaved children, you've come to the wrong place. Meet Lauren. She isn't perfect, but she's perfectly real.

Comments

  1. Kristen says

    Awwww….I wish I could say I know the feeling, but I bet you were relieved! I mean yes the baby stage is so much fun, but did you REALLY want to start over again? Ok…maybe you did!

    • Lauren says

      Nope, I’m totally with you. The idea of a baby is always fun to entertain, but I’m really really happy with where we are!!

  3. Nicole Johnson says

    I was in this same place mere months ago. It is strange to feel both relief and sadness. But, our fourth was our surprise baby and I don’t think we could handle anymore.

    • Lauren says

      I was a surprise fourth baby too 🙂 (But I’m still okay with not HAVING a surprise fourth. Three is a good number, haha).

  6. Caryn says

    I remember when I had an IUD, I was worried I would get pregnant. Even when I was put into medical menopause, I still wondered. My mind played the same game and it’s very funny (as you show) after the fact. During, though, I really had myself convinced. 🙂

  7. tove maren says

    I TOTALLY hear you on this one… you almost feel a sense of “loss” – at least losing the thought of having another. How about when you dream you are pregnant and you wake up only to find that you are just fat… – well – that last part wouldn’t happen to you – but it did to me! ha ha ha