Oh, Honestly!

Real Life for Real Moms

Top five reasons we don’t want to hang out with you

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While out shopping one day you run into a friend you haven’t seen in a while. You chat for a few minutes and when it’s time to part ways say, “We really need to get together! Check your calendar and give me a call.”

The friend nods enthusiastically and promises to do just that. You both mean what you say, but the phone never rings and before you know it, you’re bumping into that same friend at the same store six months later.

Our excuse for this is often that ‘life gets so busy’. I don’t buy it.

Sure life is busier with kids than it was before kids, but there’s no way everyone’s calendar is so booked up that they can’t spare a couple of hours somewhere.

I’ve done some brainstorming and come up with the top five reasons we don’t want to hang out with you. See if any ring true for you.

It's Not You, It's Us!

Top five reasons we don’t want to hang out with you

1. We’re antisocial

It’s not that we don’t like you; it’s more that we like to be home. Alone.

Socializing requires talking and listening, and that’s tiring, especially when we’ve already spent most of the day doing that at the office or at home with the kids. We really just want to put the munchkins to bed, throw on some sweatpants, and sit in blissful silence.

2. We’re lazy

This goes hand in hand with number 1. Getting together with you requires a lot of work.

If we go to your house we have to get the kids ready, make sure we have changes of clothes for them, snacks for our food allergic son, toys that will keep them busy. We also have to get ourselves ready which means we can’t wear our sweatpants (see above).

If you come to our house we have to get the house clean, figure out a menu, and get the kids and ourselves ready, which means we can’t wear our sweatpants. It’s not that we’re unwilling to do these things, it’s just that they’re a lot of work and we’re tired (translation: lazy).

3. We’re worried our kids will destroy your house

This is a valid worry if you’ve ever met our kids.

They don’t mean to be destructive, but there are three of them and they can pull every toy off your carefully organized shelf in two minutes flat. We’ll make vain attempts to return things to their proper place, but we don’t know where the proper place is, so you’ll say, “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s really no big deal. I’ll take care of it later.”

And even though we would say the exact same thing and really mean it because our stuff is always all over the place anyway, we will suspect that you’re just lying to be polite. So we’ll head home, certain that you’re cursing us while re-alphabetizing 85,000 books.

4. We’re worried our kids will do/say/play some way that offends/horrifies/angers you

I’ll illustrate with a real life example. Not long ago, I took my kids to a friend’s house for a play date. My son decided to play ‘hunting’; not an uncommon game in our house since my husband is a hunter. He made some comment that prompted me to remind him that we only shoot the animals we’ll eat.

It was only after I said this that I remembered my friend is a vegetarian. Her poor little girl was probably traumatized at the thought of her stuffed bear being shot dead and gobbled up for dinner.

5. We don’t like you

There is of course the possibility that we find you completely annoying and unlikable. If this is the case, we’ll see your number on our phone and let it go to voicemail.

Then the next time we see you at the store we’ll feign ignorance. “You called and left a message?? Hmm, strange. I never got it. Are you sure you called the right number?”

Clearly the saying “It’s not you, it’s us” is the driving force behind our reluctance to hang out with you. We think you’re a lovely person, but we’re tired and lazy and we’re worried our kids will misbehave and make you judge us. Or maybe we just don’t like you. But we’ll let you figure that one out on your own.

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About Lauren

If you enjoy picture-perfect home decor, perfectly prepared recipes, and perfectly behaved children, you've come to the wrong place. Meet Lauren. She isn't perfect, but she's perfectly real.

Comments

  3. Katie says

    Hahaha I love this! Was just talking to a mommy friend recently about how since we became moms, we are just plain lazy. Of course you could maybe never say that out loud to other moms without being totally misunderstood (because seriously, we never stop) but you did it perfectly! This is all hard for friends without kids to understand but hanging out takes SO.MUCH.EFFORT. Especially if you just don’t like em 😉

  4. Leilani says

    Yes these all ring true for me. Seriously its so much work to get everyone presentable and leave the house. By the time I do that I’m usually flying off the handle and too annoyed with my kids to want to be around anyone else and pretend that I’m happy. I’m not really antisocial. . . so it’s probably mostly the lazy thing.

  6. Olivia says

    This is so fabulous! I have such a hard time “breaking up” with acquaintances. From now on I’ll just re-direct them here! I always get a good laugh when I visit your blog, so I’ve nominated you for a Liebster!

    • Lauren says

      Oh my goodness! Thank you so much!! This will be fun 🙂 I’ll do a post asap and add your blog to my As Seen On page!

  8. Jennifer-Mommy Life After PhD says

    So VERY true. I wrote a post with similar sentiments a while back called “Why We Can’t Be Friends,” and it’s basically for all the reasons you list, LOL! Who has time for that when you’re chasing Crazies, right?!?

  9. Beth @ Goodness Gracious Living says

    This list is great! Especially in winter months in the northeast when you really have to consider whether or not you want to brave the weather to sit and drink tea at Panera with someone because they asked you. So not worth it! I love your honesty! Stopping by from the SITS girls facebook April post feed. Hope you’ll check out my favorite too!

    • Lauren says

      I’m from the Northeast too. It’s not very fun to put 16 layers on the kids just to walk to the car!! I’ll check out your favorite now 🙂

  10. Adrienne says

    Haha! So true! It’s a blessing when we find those friends that we can get together with and it’s NOT work. I have just a few and that’s all I need. 😉

  11. KG says

    My excuse is almost always that I just don’t like you.
    I find you annoying, negative or just downright irritating but I try to hang out with you, well – because everyone else seems to like you. I just don’t see what they see in you. I tried to give you a chance and when I did, you became even more annoying. I’ve deleted you on FB but everyone still talks to you so sometimes you land on my friends’ post right under my comment. How annoying?! and then you ask me on that same post, “when are we going to hang out?”

    UMMMM …NEVER!!

    #venting…

    Sorry!

    Keep in Touch(ed),
    KG

  12. Anna says

    I agree….and sometimes you are just tired….but I do think that you have to let go of the practice of putting thoughts into other people’s heads. If they’ve invited you over, then don’t worry about what they “think of you.” Do your best to be polite and courteous because you are a nice person and don’t stress about the rest. We have to stop imagining that we others are judging us! They may be, they may not….most likely, they have some negative thoughts, but a whole lot more positive thoughts. Isn’t it the case with most of the people you know. Everybody has something annoying about them if you get to know them well enough. I know that I don’t care about stuff like that when it comes to my friends….why should they care about that for you?

  13. Carrie says

    This is why we only hang out with our neighbors, who have kids the same ages as ours! They think I live in my sweat pants as it is (it’s a running joke), so no need to get dressed. And no need to load everyone up in the car…we just open the gate between our yards, throw some pizza on a table, and drink wine from afar. It’s awesome. Also, why we can never move – I’d never have social interactions with anyone ever again if it weren’t for this setup!

    Thanks for linking up at Wordy Wednesday!

    • Lauren says

      That’s an ideal set-up! Our neighbors are great too. Kind of like a third set of grandparents for the kids and they’ve seen my house at it’s absolute worst and still are willing to come over.

  14. Amberjane says

    I love it – our excuse used to be 3 but now with a grumpy teenager it for when the actual reason is 1 and 2 lol – I love reading your blog Lauren

    • Lauren says

      Thanks Amber! I suppose when our kids are a bit older, we won’t be able to use 3 and 4 as excuses anymore either. I’ll have to come up with some new ones 😉

  15. Paula Parker says

    It’s been so slow coming out of the winter blues (SADD) that friendships do go off to the side. Let’s all try to do a little Spring Renewal with our friendships. It beats Spring cleaning. Let’s go out there and hug someone!!! 🙂 Have a groovy day!

  16. Vicki Lesage says

    So true, all of them! But #3 for me especially. My son is pretty well-behaved in familiar environments (daycare, Grandma’s house) but there is just so much new and exciting stuff at other people’s houses that it’s a full-time job to keep an eye on him. Way more relaxing to just stay at home (and stay in my pajamas)!!! But I do need to get over it and get out more…

  19. Bismah says

    This is all so true! For me though it is pajama pants and not sweatpants though same deal 🙂
    We have two boys, one 5 months and one almost 23 months. It is so much easier for us to have people over than to go out visiting. My home may not always be clean so if someone doesn’t like it they can either leave or stay and ignore it!

  20. Georgia says

    Add to this reason #6- we know good and well that we won’t be able to talk at all for the racket that will surely be going on in the background and the “time- outs”, “Don’t touch that! interruptions so why even bother putting the kids in car seats and messing with naps?! 🙂

  22. Jade @ Jonesin' For Taste says

    Yeah, this is so true. But then there are the people who I really do want to hang out with but I’m just to stinking tired to actually get myself presentable to go hang out. Thank goodness for those friends who have known me long enough that I don’t have to go to that much effort.

  23. Crystal Duncan (@FindingCrystal) says

    I don’t have children but I do have this same problem. I have chronic medical issues and am a SAH housewife for this reason. Since I stay at home, I’m constantly told that I should have energy/a reason/*insert other here* to go out. I just don’t. I have two dogs and I’m just not a people person!

  24. Megan Walker says

    I especially agree with the lazy part, unfortunately. Sometimes I’m just so tired, I want to sit in my house because I haven’t been there for most of the week!!!

    Thanks for sharing on Hump Day Happenings : )

  25. Kellie The Shoe Diva says

    It’s all about those sweatpants! lol, your posts always crack me up. I am typically in some sort of pajama bottom when I’m reading them so I think I qualify for 1 & 2 since my kids are adults….my son might still do or say something horrific though :-/ Great post & thanks for the early morning laugh

  27. Denise Gabbard says

    Our kids are grown, so most of those things don’t pertain anymore. But still, it’s the sweatpants/shorts/tank tops…and no bras 🙂 Only at home can you be really comfortable.

    • Lauren says

      It is a lot of work! Especially if you have more than one kid. And then you think, “Oh, we could go out and meet somewhere. Then I won’t have to clean up.” but getting the kids out the door is just as much work!

  32. rose says

    there’s one i bump into a lot… “my kid is sensitive and yours are bullies”??? i mean, how are you supposed to protect your kid and make sure they feel secure if you can’t criticise your friend’s kids in front of them, and they definitely won’t step in?

  33. Jane Allen says

    Funny but so on point. Most often, the way people behave towards us is due to their problems, not ours. Yet, we take things so personally. Recently, I’ve decided to give myself a break. I no longer take things personally. I love myself enough to enjoy my company and if you don’t wanna relate, that’s no problem of mine. That’s your issue to deal with. Thanks for all that you do!

    • Lauren says

      That’s a great decision! Everyone gets offended by the tiniest thing. Not taking things personally goes a loooong way in ending that!

  34. Laura says

    Gah! Now I’m paranoid and think no one likes me!!! 😢
    I am always worried about my kid destroying a house though. *shudder*

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