Oh, Honestly!

Real Life for Real Moms

40 steps to easily get out the door with kids

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Remember those carefree days before you had children? You’d need a few things at the grocery store, so you’d run a brush through your hair, freshen your makeup, grab your purse and keys, and be in the car three minutes after deciding to go.

Then you had kids and suddenly going to the store, or on any excursion that involved leaving the house, got a lot more complicated.

Well, dread those outings no more! Just follow these easy steps and you’ll be out the door in no time!

Running errands with kids

  1. Realize that if you put off grocery shopping any longer your children will have to eat ketchup packets for lunch.
  2. Tell the kids it’s time to go to the store.
  3. Finish your coffee (you’re going to need all the caffeine you can get). Drink Your Caffeine!
  4. The kids are watching TV. Turn it off and tell them it’s time to go “for real this time”.
  5. Listen to them scream for five minutes that they want to finish the show they’re watching.
  6. Inform them that if they don’t stop screaming, they will never watch TV again as long as they live.
  7. Send the oldest to the bathroom.
  8. Change the baby’s diaper.
  9. Send the oldest back to the bathroom to wash his hands.
  10. Pack a bag filled with necessities: diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, band-aids, snacks, crayons, paper, the baby’s lovey, the middle child’s security blanket, the oldest’s special Hot Wheels car that he won’t go anywhere without. Throw in a few extra toys just in case. Diapers and wipes and toys, oh my!
  11. Send the middle child to the bathroom.
  12. The baby pooped. Change her diaper again.
  13. The middle child is playing. Send him to the bathroom.
  14. Help the oldest tie his shoes.
  15. The middle child is still playing. Tell him he will go to the bathroom immediately if he knows what’s good for him.
  16. Gather raincoats in case those gray clouds decide to deliver.
  17. Help the middle child with his shoes.
  18. Put shoes on the baby.
  19. Open the door! (Yes, you’re getting there!)
  20. Make two trips to the car to deposit all the junk you have to bring.
  21. The baby has somehow managed to crawl out the open door and is halfway down the driveway. Chase and catch her before she makes it to the road.
  22. Lock, I mean, buckle the baby into the car.
  23. Buckle in the other children.
  24. Lock the front door.
  25. Get in the car.
  26. The kids are thirsty. Go back to the house to get them water so you don’t have to listen to them whine the entire drive.
  27. Re-lock the door.
  28. Get in the car.
  29. The oldest needs to pee. Fight the urge to stab yourself with your keys.
  30. Bring him back in the house to pee.
  31. Your purse is sitting by the door. Say a prayer of thanks that your oldest needed to pee, but don’t tell him that.
  32. Re-lock the door.
  33. Get the oldest buckled again.
  34. Get in the car.
  35. Glance in the mirror. Crap, you look awful!
  36. Realize that you’re still in your pajamas.
  37. Cry.
  38. Call your husband and gently inform him that he better be home immediately after work because you are going out all by yourself tonight whether he’s home or not.
  39. Go back in the house.
  40. Feed your children ketchup packets for lunch. Hey, at least they’re fancy! All-time parenting low

About Lauren

If you enjoy picture-perfect home decor, perfectly prepared recipes, and perfectly behaved children, you've come to the wrong place. Meet Lauren. She isn't perfect, but she's perfectly real.

Comments

  4. Jovana Feliciano says

    So I have made my life easier by just having a basket in the car with some toys, a blanket, clean zippy cups, nursing cover, and other must have items. When I decide that it is time to go all I have to do is get them to put shoes on, grab a few (previously packed) snacks, -.- FIND keys and walk out.

    • Lauren says

      Great idea! Every summer I think that I should pack a bag with beach essentials and leave it in the car to simplify things, but every summer I end up running around at the last minute looking for sand toys and extra towels, etc etc. Some day I’ll learn 😉

  6. Bernadette says

    I’ve taken to sleeping in my (unworkedout in) workout clothes. That way I’m always “dressed” if I have to be. I also have a kid’s book bag filled with diapers, wipes, & PJs that I leave in the car. My wallet also gets left in the backpack. I’m kinda lazy, so that is what works for me.

  7. Tina says

    I loved this! It’s very much why I wait until I have no food to go to the store hahaha!

  11. Teresa says

    So funny! I remember once when I was frustrated to get my three little ones out the door my aunt chided me “When they get bigger the problems get bigger. Don’t fret over tied shoelaces and matching mitts.” She was soooo right!

  12. Gangy says

    Guess everything in Jovana Feliciano’s home has a place & everything’s in its place. Also guess she doesn’t really have children.

  13. Kim says

    Love it! Not going to lie, when I saw your post on SITS I thought to myself…”Wow! 40 steps seems like an awful lot, but if it gets my kids out the door easier I am in!”. Everything you say here is so true (and I only have two children). Seriously, why DOES it have to be so difficult? Thanks for the giggle this morning!

  14. Ray says

    I just died laughing. The whole stop yourself from stabbing yourself with the keys…. SO been there… Now go forward a few years and stop yourself from stabbing the teen instead of you because at 11 at night she has tried unsuccessfully to negotiate whatever with you!!!!! Good luck, and go on a Friday after the hubs is home and go by yourself!!!!

  15. Jennifer says

    At least you remembered to grab the purse. Twice in one month I forgot. One of those times i had gotten all the way through my grocery trip and in check out when I realized it. I had to ask them to hold my groceries so I could run home for it. Fail! This was pretty funny and accurate. (Stopping by from SITS Girls Sharefest)

    • Lauren says

      Usually I remember when I’m several miles down the road, but I have a feeling your experience will happen to me at some point!! Too funny!

  16. Serena @ Simple Holistic Girl says

    These are hilarious! I especially like “The baby has somehow managed to crawl out the open door and is halfway down the driveway. Chase and catch her before she makes it to the road.” That did not personally ever happen to me, but I can only imagine the scenario in my head. Funny to hear it, but probably not funny to be the chaser. Stopping by from SITSsharefest!