If you haven’t been hanging out with me since I first started blogging, you may not know why I began this whole thing in the first place. You can read about it in my very first post, or if you don’t have time for that right now, I’ll give you the cliffs notes.
It occurred to me one day that we’re all big liars. Yeah, I’m talking about you. And me. We live our real lives, but present ourselves to the world as someone other than who we truly are. We do it online with our ‘Pinterest Perfect’ pictures: beautifully decorated homes, even though that’s the only wall we’ve done in the whole house; happy, smiling children who were at each others’ throats two minutes before we bribed them with Oreos; delicious looking meals, even though we ate fast food last night; spotlessly clean houses, even though every part outside the camera lens is trashed. We do it with our friends and families: madly dashing to clean up the house when we find out someone is making a surprise visit; keeping our cool with our misbehaving children until we’re alone with them; saying ‘I’m fine’ even though we’re struggling.
All this pretending has one shared outcome. It makes us feel alone. Isolated. Like no one else is going through the same thing as us or could ever truly understand us. And if they did see the real us… oh my! Surely they would judge. And dislike us. A lot.
Well, I’m here to put a stop to all this nonsense. We are not alone; a lot of other people are experiencing exactly the same things as us, and if we would just have the courage to be REAL, we might be surprised by how good it feels and how much it actually helps.
In the year and a half since I began this blog, I’ve gone back and forth between fulfilling my mission and straying from it. Some of my posts have shared where I am right in that moment (Tired comes to mind as the one in which I put myself out there the most and in return had the most feedback, specifically from other moms, who said, “Yes! That is exactly how I feel.”). Other posts have just been my random musings, without much rhyme or reason.
While I still plan to muse, I really want to get back to my roots this year. So I am beginning a project of sorts. I have begun to journal each day the realities of my life. For the next year, I will continue to journal each day. I won’t share every entry with you. I imagine that would get boring really fast. However, at least once a week, I will share the highlights. There will be good moments. There will be bad moments. There will be pictures; real life pictures of messy rooms and screaming kids.
To be honest, I have no idea where this project will take us. Maybe it will be a complete dud. I’m a stay at home mom, so let’s get real: My life is not the most interesting. But that’s just the thing. I know a lot of stay at home moms out there who are just as boring as me and I want you to know that you’re not alone! Our mundane lives may drive us to tears some days and fill us with euphoric love other days, but always, they have meaning. If you’re not a stay at home mom, stay with me for the journey anyway. We may be more alike than we think. (Besides, I’m planning to have some guests jump in with their real lives to spice things up every once in a while.)
I’d love your thoughts on this project. Feedback really helps me know if I’m going in the right direction. Plus, I would love to hear your ideas on specific areas you want to see in real life. Do you think you’re the only one with a messy kitchen? Think your kid is the only one who freaks out at the store? Think you’re the only parent who’s ever lost your temper? Tell me these things and I’ll try to hit on the topics that matter to you. Don’t think of this as my project; think of it as our project. Oh, one more thing. If you can come up with a catchy name for my year of honesty, let me know. The witty portion of my brain is a little sleepy at the moment.
I found your blog from the blogging bunch group. I love how real you are. I feel like I am failing at lots of things. It seems that most of my friends and family have it put together (none of them have really small children) and I know I should not compare but I do. I am new to blogging and I think I am going to try and keep it as real as I can. I think maybe I can throw in some crazy messy house pictures in with a project post. Showing what happens to the house while I am working. Thanks and I am glad I found you.
I’m glad you found me too! It’s so hard not to compare ourselves with other people, but here’s what I’ve learned from the time I’ve been doing this blog: 1. The way we perceive people is rarely how they truly are. 2. The more honest I am, the better received I am (I know that seems like the opposite of what you would think, but it’s true! The more I show what a screw-up I am, the more people come alongside me to say, “Hey! I feel exactly the same way!! I’m so glad you don’t have it all together either!”). 3. The more honest I am, the more refreshed I am. If I’m willing to be real, I don’t feel that pressure to ‘keep up’ (with all the imaginary perfect people). Anyway, I hope that helps! I’ll be checking out your blog too! I love me some messy house pictures 😉
Charlee Anne says
What an amazing journey you have started! I try to be real, too, but sometimes I feel like people will like me less (as you said). I can’t wait to read what goes on in your house 😉 I sometimes feel like I’m the only stay-at-home-mom who has a very, very messy bedroom. I tend to put my focus on the rest of the house, just in case someone stops by, so our bedroom is last in line on the cleaning/picking up list. This means when people come over, I shut the door so nobody can see it. How pathetic! You are going to be my inspiration! Thank you for putting yourself out there!
My bedroom door is permanently closed! Unfortunately, the rest of the house isn’t much better, lol. The good news is, I have only gotten a positive response on this honesty journey. Of course, all the people judging me might just be doing it silently, but I’m okay with that! Thanks for coming along on the journey!
I just found your blog bc of your article about mommy guilt on Scary Mommy, and I totally identified! Loving your blog and how it helps me feel like I’m not alone! Thank you! (SAHM of one amazing little 1yo boy)
Thanks so much Jessica! I’m so glad I can be a little bit of a help!
Melissa M. says
I found your blog through scary mommy the mommy guilt article. Just to be honest I’m hysterically crying in my bath tub as we speak, had a rough day or 2 weeks since school ended. Recently I’ve been super overwhelmed by being a SAHM, the mommy guilt and all of that trying to keep up appearances bs. Oh who am I kidding it hasn’t just been recently, it’s pretty much been since day f*ing one. This is exactly what I needed to see today. I need to feel like I’m not the only one who feels all of this tremendous pressure coming from every angle, but mostly from myself. Especially now in the information age everyone seems to point their big stupid finger in your face if you’re not completely on point every moment of the day. I’m going to try and catch up to your current blog entry, which could be tonight or a year from now (depending on whether I get another free moment ever again). Thanks.
Melissa mom of 5 yo boy and 2yo girl
Transitions are especially hard, so cut yourself some (a lot!) of slack! Cry, eat lots of chocolate, and most of all, know that there are lots and lots of us right there with you. Being a mom is awesome and hard and not even close to perfect and it’s so reassuring to know we’re not alone in all the craziness. I hope you get some free moments soon, not so you can read my blog, but because they’re good for keeping your sanity. I speak from experience 😉
I just found you! Looking forward to reading more. I see you are stay-at-home (yay!); I work so hope I can relate still to your posts – I am fairly sure I can. YES!!! So often feel alone and no one could possibly be going through what I’m going through. God bless you for your honesty and sharing! Thank you.
Hi Jane, so glad you found me! I hope I’m pretty relateable no matter what situation you find yourself in (and I hope you’ll find that too!). I’m finding that despite our differences, us women usually have more in common than we think! Thanks for your comment 🙂