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The Day I Found Out He Was in Love With Someone Else

March 26, 2015 By Lauren

“Some of the boys have crushes on some of the girls.”

I was wrist-deep in dishwater when he said it, scrubbing the remains of the day into the soapy warmth, completely unprepared for a conversation I imagined was still a few years away.

Some moments define our course of action from that time forward. The day I found out he was in love with someone else was one of them.Words began to rise in my throat, preparing to bounce off my parted lips with amused disdain, “You guys are six! Too young to have crushes.” But at the last second, I squeezed my mouth closed, swallowed my sentiment, and let his words sink in. Crushes. How does a six year old even know what a crush is? And how does a mom tread the waters of childhood romance without drowning any chance she has to play an integral role in the process?

I decided to follow his lead. A casual remark should be followed by a casual question. As I rinsed the suds from a plate, I asked, “What does it mean to have a crush on somebody?”

Would he falter? If he had an answer, what would it be? I didn’t have time to ponder these questions as he immediately and confidently stated, “It means you’re in love with them.”

Excuse me? Did we move from crushes to love in one sentence?

“That sounds serious!” It was the only thing I could say beyond “That’s ridiculous” and given the open communication I was going for, it seemed the more appropriate response.

“It is,” His tone relayed the gravity of the situation.

“How do you know if you’re in love with someone?” Was I really asking a child, a baby, my baby, this question? How many times in my own younger life had I wondered at the answer?

“I’m not in love with anyone.”

I expelled the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “No, I know you’re not,” I lied, “but how do they know; the other boys in your class?”

“I don’t know. It just happens.”

“Well, you let me know when it happens to you.”

“It won’t. I’ll never have a crush on someone.” Relief flooded my being to hear we were back on the softer ground of crushes. Maybe they were equal to love in the eyes of my son, but where only moments before I was ready to laugh at the thought of a six year old having a crush, after our talk of being in love, those crushes seemed like a much safer place to stand.

I ended the conversation with, “Oh, I don’t know. I bet you will.” And then for good measure threw in, “But you can wait a while if you want.”

I wanted to laugh out loud or maybe cry, but as I thought about it, neither response was justifiable. Although the thought of a six year old being aware of romantic feelings at such a young age seemed ludicrous, the product of an over-sexed society, I realized that maybe it wasn’t so unbelievable. Perhaps kids hadn’t changed as much as I supposed in the past twenty-five years.

As I set the last dish in the strainer and began to wipe down counter tops, my mind drifted back to second grade and my first crush.

I was seven, not much older than my son. My crush was a tall boy who didn’t act up in class. Our moms chatted amicably at school functions. He had a younger sister. He was cute. My feelings continued until the summer day I saw him wearing a tank top and that was it. The crush was over.

I don’t know what it was about that tank top. The skinny shoulders and arms protruding from the over-sized holes? The pale skin? I was seven, for goodness sake. Is it possible to be shallow at seven? Whatever it was, twenty-five years have passed and that memory remains strong. However wrong my reasoning was, however young and impossibly silly I happened to be, my feelings then shaped me into the person I am now. I still hate the look of a guy in a tank top.

So right there in the kitchen, wet rag in hand, I made a vow to try my hardest to never dismiss my son’s feelings. If he felt safe enough to share his life with me, I would not make him think for even a moment that what he felt was invalid. It was real to me at seven, so it would be real to him at six.

Only weeks after our initial conversation, it came up again at bedtime. He was lying on his back, twirling a piece of my hair the way he’s done since he was a baby, and he mumbled it so quietly. The only reason I heard him at all was because we were practically cheek to cheek.

“I like Sophie more than all the other girls in the class.”

“How come?” I thought about Sophie. She had long twirlable hair.

“She’s the nicest one; she doesn’t tell on the boys.”

He gazed into the darkness, lips curved ever so slightly, dreaming of the girl who didn’t tattle. I gazed at him, soft skin illuminated by the light shining in from the hall, and it dawned on me. It was beginning. He hadn’t come out and said it, but a mother knows.

As he twirled my hair in the darkness, I wondered at the days ahead, when his fingers will no longer wind their way through my graying strands. So I leaned closer, breathed in his little boy scent, and marveled at both the blessing and responsibility of being allowed into this moment.

And I made myself a promise that until the day he finds the girl who will take my place by his side and in his heart, I will savor every moment he chooses to share with me.

Filed Under: Family Life, Parenting Essays Tagged With: crushes, first love, in love, kids, love, motherhood, parenting

About Lauren

If you enjoy picture-perfect home decor, perfectly prepared recipes, and perfectly behaved children, you've come to the wrong place. Meet Lauren. She isn't perfect, but she's perfectly real.

Comments

  1. Echo says

    March 26, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Awwww, this is so sweet. Brought a little mist to my eyes because even though I know my 9 year old loves me, he already has a “sweetheart”!

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:15 am

      They’re funny, aren’t they?

  2. Kristen says

    March 26, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    Very sweet post and must be tough to learn that your first baby is actually old enough to have these feeling! I can’t believe how quickly they grow…you are a good mama letting him talk and reserving judgment. Cherish these days…they’ll be gone before we know it!

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:16 am

      Thanks Kristen! It is definitely crazy that we’re entering this stage already.

  3. Ashley says

    March 27, 2015 at 8:25 am

    OMG this is adorable! The title lead me to believe it was going to be about infidelity. But I was so pleased to find it was actually a really happy, beautiful story about the romantic feelings of a six year old. I remember my first crush on a boy when I was in 1st grade…it’s so weird to think about having feelings at that age when now, at the age of 24, I still feel like I don’t have a firm grasp on the concept of love.

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:17 am

      Right?? I certainly didn’t feel like I was too young to have a crush on a boy when I was seven, but I look at my son and he’s SO LITTLE. It’s all in our perspective, I guess.

  4. Meaghan | Cook. Craft. Love. says

    March 27, 2015 at 8:46 am

    This is absolutely the sweetest! Moments like these almost make me want to have kids 😛

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:22 am

      Having kids makes life full of bittersweet moments!

  5. Erica says

    March 27, 2015 at 10:01 am

    So sweet! My 7 year old is in to crushes too. He even says he’s “dating”. It’s hard when our babies grow up so fast!

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:23 am

      I always wonder where they learn the terminology!

  6. Michelle says

    March 27, 2015 at 10:19 am

    “So I leaned closer, breathed in his little boy scent, and marveled at both the blessing and responsibility of being allowed into this moment.”

    LOVE this line…Great article.

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:24 am

      Thanks so much Michelle!

  7. Sam @ PancakeWarriors says

    March 27, 2015 at 11:24 am

    So cute!!

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:24 am

      Thanks Sam!

  8. Meredith says

    March 27, 2015 at 11:27 am

    So sweet!! I LOVE how the boy in the tank top turned you off. Made me laugh. My daughter has yet to declare a crush, but I hope she will when she gets there. I’m a little worried she won’t tell me.

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:26 am

      Isn’t that funny? I have no idea why it grossed me out, but I remember it so clearly.

  9. amanda turner says

    March 27, 2015 at 2:34 pm

    This is an amazing post! So true, my son is 7 and I remember when he told me he had a girlfriend (yes, you read that right) Her name is Emma and he has so much fun playing with her. I felt just like you! Great read, I love your blog!

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:27 am

      Thank you Amanda! Thankfully, everything is still so innocent at this age, even girlfriends!

  10. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    March 27, 2015 at 3:11 pm

    My four year old promises he’ll never love anyone else but me; but I know the day is coming. Especially when he talks about Raven so often!!

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:27 am

      LOL!

  11. Marianne says

    March 27, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    This article struck a chord. Especially the part about not dismissing your child’s feelings as I know that is something i need to work on with my kids. It’s all too easy to laugh at how seriously they take things that we deem trivial, but it’s so important to try and understand it from their point of view.

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:29 am

      It really is hard and something I need to work on too. It’s easy to forget that they’re experiencing most things for the very first time, so for them, it’s a big deal.

  12. Beth says

    March 27, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    That’s so sweet! I remember my kids used to twirl my hair. I miss those days.

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:29 am

      It’s going to break my heart when he stops.

  13. Laura Vivoni says

    March 27, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    I must say I thought the article was about a husband loving another woman, so I was intrigued, since I am a single mom whose husband of 17 years left me for his first love. My family is all girls, so I can’t really know what it feels like to have a bond with a son. However, having two girls I too remember their first crushes, and mine, as young as 3 years old. I always thought it was so cute. And of course it all changes and one day they don’t crush on that boy anymore.
    But I agree that having that relationship with your children, whether is with sons or daughters it is very important, because it creates a bond where they trust you and you trust them. My daughters come to me for anything and tell me all about crushes and other things. My oldest is in High school now so it’s a whole another set of preoccupations. But I am glad that I made sure to listen to her and foster that trust from the beginning.

    Great article.

    • Lauren says

      March 28, 2015 at 6:32 am

      Thanks Laura! It must be so difficult to raise kids as a single mom, but it sounds like you’re doing it right! I really hope he’ll continue to tell me things as he gets older.

  14. Stacey says

    March 28, 2015 at 11:16 pm

    I totally have tears in my eyes think that this day is knocking at the door for me too! Your son felt so comfortable telling you the feelings he has, that says a lot about your relationship with him. Loved this post!

    • Lauren says

      March 29, 2015 at 6:35 am

      Thanks Stacey. He’s a pretty fantastic kid. I hope our relationship stays comfortable enough for him to continue to tell me what’s on his mind.

  15. Rachel says

    March 29, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Such a sweet story. My 6-year-old son told me he’s getting married when he’s 30. I told him that was a good age. Thanks for sharing on the Small Victories Sunday link up.

  16. Tiffany | A Touch of Grace says

    March 30, 2015 at 12:13 am

    What a sweet post. I dread the day my little girl figures out boys and starts asking about love. Ugh. I’m so not ready.

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About Lauren

If you enjoy picture-perfect home decor, perfectly prepared recipes, and perfectly behaved children, you've come to the wrong place. Meet Lauren. She isn't perfect, but she's perfectly real. Read More…

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