Recently I’ve seen a rash of people talking about the double standard of praise aimed at parents. Fathers get praised for everyday tasks, while moms either get ignored for those same tasks or worse, reprimanded.
While a dad is a hero for taking his kids out for dinner, a mom might be given the evil eye if her kids dare make too much noise while waiting for their food.
I understand the frustration. As a stay-at-home mom, most of my parenting tasks are taken for granted by everyone, including myself.
Sometimes I think it would be nice for someone to acknowledge the seemingly insignificant things I do, like taking three kids downtown to the library without anyone getting run over by a car or kicked out of the library for being too loud (both of those scenarios are real possibilities, but so far so good!).
On the other hand, I also understand why people give accolades to dads for those same tasks. Since the majority of child rearing has fallen on mothers until recent history, it makes sense that there will be an adjustment period as people see dads doing what have traditionally been ‘mom jobs’. I’m not saying the double standard should remain, but I do understand that it will take time to go away.
Even so, I think we’d be wise to slow down before we decide how we want the double standard to go away.
I’ve noticed a troubling response to it by some women who have clearly had enough. They see a man receiving praise for being a parent and they call them out. “If he was a mom no one would be saying anything.” “Why should we acknowledge him for something that a mom does every day?” “I’ve never been praised for bringing my kids to the park. Why should he?”
Like I said before, I understand the frustration. But before we start attacking dads and the people who choose to notice that they’re doing a good job, can we stop for a moment and realize that there’s a better solution?
Just because moms don’t get praised as often as dads do, I don’t believe the solution to the problem is to stop praising dads.
Doesn’t it make more sense to continue the praise and extend it to moms as well? Wouldn’t you, as a mom, have a lighter step and a more ready smile if someone saw you at the playground and told you that you were a good mom? Wouldn’t the double standard disappear just as readily if we started praising moms instead of stopping praising dads?
So please don’t tell me to stop bragging about my husband when I see him being a good dad. It’s not gonna happen. But I am going to put more effort into noticing the little things my mom friends do so I can brag about them too.
tove Maren says
Spot on… And why would anyone fault you for acknowledging your husband for being a great team player?! It’s your family, your husband – your life. People need to tend to their own gardens anyway. But I do agree with you – we all need a pat on the back from time to time.
Cynthia says
I’m glad there is still common sense in the world. We should absolutely praise both. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
Stacey L Nash says
I agree. Praise for dads shouldn’t stop. You’re spot on that we should give moms the thumbs up more often as well. In fact, all parents could use a little more praise because most parents are trying hard. They may look like a mess and have chaos in their wake, I know I do, but they’re trying. It’s about positively acknowledging parents, in general, mother or father.
Lauren says
So true! No one would get hurt from getting more encouragement!
Leah Courtney says
Yes! And what about all the little things my husband does that I don’t have to do every single day- taking the trash to the dump, fixing the car when it doesn’t work, changing the light bulbs, and in my case- going to work?! Um, yes, I try to praise him when he takes over one of typically “mom” tasks. 🙂
Lauren says
Exactly!
Belinda Laurie says
I love, love, love this! The solution is not to take away praise but to give more. We all would like to be appreciated more but you’re so right, not encourage dad’s for stepping up and sharing in the responsibilities of child-rearing is certainly not the answer. I’m definitely team #praisedad
Caryn says
I love this. You are spot on…why can’t we all focus on the positive and send love to our husbands, selves and female friends. BTW – congrats on the E-book