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The Lesson My Three Year Old Taught Me That Everyone Needs to Learn

June 27, 2016 By Lauren

She sat at the counter, crayon in hand, while I stood on the other side of the kitchen, preparing dinner.

“Mommy, look!”

I glanced up, smiled at her, then went back to my work.

“Say, ‘Great job Annelise!’ Mommy! Say, ‘Great job!!’ “

I laughed and moved closer, looked at her monotone scribbles (this time she’d chosen the purple crayon), and declared, “Great job, Annelise! That looks awesome.”

She beamed at me, then returned to her work. As I continued to cut veggies, the importance of what had just occurred hit me.

lesson everyone needs to learn

The Lesson My Three Year Old Taught Me That Everyone Needs to Learn

My three-year-old is really good at telling me what she needs. A cup of water, some yogurt from the fridge, help getting dressed, positive affirmation: Whatever the need, she clearly expresses it.

Sometimes it’s politely requested, sometimes it’s screamed in frustration, sometimes it’s adorably demanded (like in the example above), and sometimes it’s physically taken.

I can’t tell you how many times she’s crawled onto my lap and put her face right in front of mine as if to say, “Stop whatever you’re doing. Don’t look at your phone. Don’t look at my brothers. Don’t talk to my daddy. Just look at ME.”

And I do. I leave my face close to hers and watch as she transforms her features into an array of hilarious expressions, all created just to make me smile. Every time we share these up-close moments I marvel at the blessing of this little girl and the bond we share.

And it all begins with her telling (or showing) me her needs.

I don’t know if it’s a product of her age, her personality, or both, but I do know that as a 33-year-old introvert, I am not good at telling others my needs.

I can be stressed to the max, a million things to do and only hours to do them, but ask me if you can help and nine times out of ten, you’ll receive a polite, “Thanks, but I’m good.”

A perfect example: My sweet mother-in-law came to our house to help me for the week following each of my three c-sections. You’d think that after three babies, I would finally have learned to let it go, but it still made me supremely uncomfortable to see her doing my dishes and laundry. I’d struggle to do all the things I normally did, without asking for help, even though that was exactly why she was there.

Why is it so hard to express our needs to others? Maybe you’re good at it and you don’t need to read this, but I think it’s a problem most of us have.

Part of it, I’m sure, is that we’ve been raised in a culture that values independence above most other traits. Asking for help or saying that we need something is a sign of weakness and must be avoided.

But who are we helping by doing that? Is weakness really such a bad thing? We’re all weak in one way or other and life is so much better when we’re willing to admit it.

After that day in my kitchen with Annelise, I began to think about how she needed to hear positive words, so she told me to say them. She told me, in a very direct way, what she needed.

Which made me start thinking about what I needed.

I had something on my mind at the time and knew that in order to resolve the need, I had to talk to the other person involved. It was nothing earth shattering, but since I’m uncomfortable with any situation that might involve conflict, I’d been avoiding it.

But with my strong three-year-old in my mind, I did the hard thing and I said what I needed. The situation was easily resolved with no conflict and I discovered that maybe the idea of saying what we need is harder than actually doing it.

What do you need today? Maybe you can only think of one thing or maybe you can think of a million. Either way, I challenge you to step out from whatever veil you’re hiding behind, whether it be perfection, strength, self-sufficiency, or something else, and be willing to tell someone what you need.

It might be a little scary, but I bet you’ll be glad that you did.

Filed Under: Family Life, Informational, Parenting Essays Tagged With: kids, lessons, parenting

About Lauren

If you enjoy picture-perfect home decor, perfectly prepared recipes, and perfectly behaved children, you've come to the wrong place. Meet Lauren. She isn't perfect, but she's perfectly real.

Comments

  1. Herchel S says

    June 27, 2016 at 7:32 am

    Ah this. I do the “I’m good” thing too. I bottle things up when I am overwhelmed until I blow up. I, for one, hope that my daughter never stops making her needs/wants clear.

    You’re doing a great job, mama!

  2. Kristen says

    June 28, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    Yes you MUST ask for what you need, and we must listen. Great post!

  3. Stacey says

    June 28, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    Accepting help can be really hard because, to me, it feels like admitting my own weaknesses. After having my fourth child, I gave up and said yes almost every time someone offered to cook a meal or watch my other kids. What a difference it made. Not only was I less stressed, but when I had a chance to recover I was so grateful to all these people that it motivated me to return the kindness shown to me. I felt the need to serve others more often because it had such an impact my life. Letting people know what we need not only fulfills our needs but it also lets others know how to help in a worthwhile way.

  4. Noah&Nomi says

    July 6, 2016 at 7:35 am

    I am really impressed with your reflections! Not many mums would look at the same situation the way you do. Children can teach us a lot about life thanks to their straight forward and honest approach to life, it’s just about what we do with these precious lessons.
    Thanks a lot for this post, I’ve enjoyed it thoroughly!

    • Lauren says

      July 6, 2016 at 7:36 pm

      Thanks so much! I’m glad I caught the lesson too. It would have been easy to miss. I’m glad you enjoyed the post!

  5. Lorraine Tarr says

    January 18, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    Lauren, Eric shared what a great writer you are and so glad he did. Truly enjoy reading your blogs. You are truly gifted with your writings.

    • Lauren says

      January 21, 2017 at 8:09 am

      Thanks so much Lorraine!

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About Lauren

If you enjoy picture-perfect home decor, perfectly prepared recipes, and perfectly behaved children, you've come to the wrong place. Meet Lauren. She isn't perfect, but she's perfectly real. Read More…

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