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Have you ever been hit so hard by a realization that it almost physically hurts? I have. Just the other day, in fact.
I’m not exactly sure how to explain this without going into all the details, but I’ll do my best to give you the nutshell version.
While offering to help a couple of people this week, I realized that I didn’t know them. At all. Like, beyond the most basic facts (names… what they look like… ummm… that’s pretty much all I’ve got), I was clueless. The bad thing is, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to get to know them. In fact, years have gone by in which I could have gotten to know them. But I haven’t. I haven’t even tried. No effort on my part at all.
They’re not the only ones I haven’t gotten to know. There are a whole slew of people who I could have been forming really great friendships with over the past six years or so. Instead I’ve hidden behind a bunch of lame excuses that sound good, but are mostly a bunch of crap. Things like:
“It’s hard to get out and meet people when you have little kids.”
“I’m too tired at the end of the day to go out.”
“I don’t want to leave Eric as soon as he gets home from work.”
The truth is I’m lazy and I don’t like leaving my comfort zone. I’ve hidden behind my introverted personality, telling myself, “It’s okay. You’re shy. It’s hard for you to chat with people you don’t know. You have enough friends anyway.”
But a few days ago I was slammed with the realization of how much I’ve missed by making those excuses.
I’ll be the first to say that all those people I haven’t gotten to know haven’t lost out on much by not having me for a friend. I’m nice enough and all, but I’m not going to pretend I have a ton to offer. My personality isn’t particularly sparkly. I don’t have a fountain of wisdom to spout off whenever someone needs advice. I have plenty of quirks that get annoying after you’ve spent any time with me (you’ll have to ask Eric if you want to know what they are!).
But what I’ve missed is significant: opportunities to form meaningful connections, the privilege of being let into other people’s lives and to let them into mine, and most of all, the ability to bless the lives of others in small, simple ways. If I don’t know people, how can I hope to know what they need?
There’s something about being allowed into someone’s life; of being entrusted with the good times and the bad. If I never form those connections, I never get to walk alongside people as they experience life, and ultimately, I’m the one who misses out.
So that’s what hit me this week and it truly left me with a feeling of loss. I wonder what I’ve missed out on. Who I’ve missed out on.
I won’t make any grand statements about the changes I plan to make. All I can say is that I will definitely be more cognizant of the reality that sometimes the best thing you can do is step out of your comfort zone. It might be awkward. It might be uncomfortable. It might be embarrassing and terrifying.
But it also might be worth it.
[Tweet “It might be awkward, uncomfortable, and scary. But it also might be worth it. @Oh_Honestly_LC”]
And now the part of the post where I share pictures of our real, everyday life.
Okay, this isn’t a picture, but I thought you might like to know that while I was upstairs getting ready for the day, Annelise smeared peanut butter all over her body. I’ll tell you what; that stuff isn’t easy to clean off.
This happened on Sunday and it was so darn cute. They adore each other.
Oh, and this happened this week too. It’s a grape. In my purse. Don’t even ask because I don’t know.
Have a great week and remember to keep it real!
Kristen says
If you weren’t ready to reach out yet – then it wasn’t the time. Maybe you needed to get to the point where you felt comfortable to step out of your shell and let people in. Maybe you needed this site to validate your voice. The bottom line is now that you know what you might be missing – maybe you won’t be so quick to say no next time!
Lauren says
I love that point of view Kristen. I’ve definitely become more comfortable in my own skin over the past few years, so that makes a huge difference.
Carol says
I am the exact same way. It’s very uncomfortable for me to chat and get to know people. …strangers. I am by nature, very shy. I’ve avoided playing in the park with my kids to avoid talking to other moms there. Or if I do go…I’m the one running around on the equipment with the kids to avoid a mom conversation. Don’t be too hard on yourself…because I would have to say that those people you speak of didn’t seem to make a huge effort to get to know you either. It takes two people to cultivate a friendship. I need to start my own blog one day, if I could write that is. I could go on for hours about how I’ve never had close female friends, I’ve had friends all my life, but mostly just casual acquaintances or ‘work’ friends. No one I would trust my deepest secrets to. It’s not because I didn’t want to be friends or become closer with some of these people, but mostly because I never felt the reciprocal effort on their part to want to be friends with me or get closer to me. Women are so very hard to make friends with.
Lauren says
I agree, it’s hard to form friendships with other women, but in this case, I really haven’t put myself in situations where anyone could get to know me. If I’m hiding out at home or saying hello in passing and then running off to chase my kids or heading in another direction, then the vibes I’m giving off don’t exactly scream, “Let’s get to know each other!”
Mrs. AOK says
Good for you! I’m happy for you, I know how huge it is from one introvert to another. I can talk to people and get along with people but it doesn’t go any further than that, I’m not asking people to “hang” out. Like you, I’ve realized I may have missed out on forming better relationships….
I want to be more out there, really I do, but I also don’t want to miss out on what’s here… can we ever just have it all… sigh.
I’m truly stepping out of my comfort zone next month, I will be attending my first blog conference, which is huge for this homebody. I’m excited and nervous, but proud.
XOXO
Lauren says
Good for you! I hope to go to a blog conference at some point too (I don’t know of many that aren’t really far away!), but at the same time, the thought of having to just walk up to people to start conversations makes me want to break out in hives, lol. Baby steps!
Michelle says
Great post! It really is hard to step out of our comfort zone. I am so weird. It’s easy for me to talk to people face to face but hard for me to connect online.
Lauren says
I don’t think that’s weird! I wish I was that way, but I’m the total opposite. I find it much easier to ‘talk’ to people online than in real life.
Wilma Jones says
As an extrovert I have the opposite problem. I wear myself out with too many people involved in my life! I am always finding a way to help them. Which leaves less time for me. At least I can see the other side from your perspective. Thanks for a good post!
Stopping by from the SITS Girls Sharefest.
Lauren says
We both need to find our happy medium! Maybe I can borrow from you and you can borrow from me!! Thanks for stopping by!
normaleverydaylife says
I go through seasons where I reach out and am more friendly. If life is too busy or overwhelming at home, then it’s harder to make time for outside friendships. Maybe you’re entering a time in your life where you feel more open to that and it just wasn’t as easy before. Good for you for recognizing you need a change! Visiting you from Saturday sharefest.
Lauren says
That’s a really good point! I’ve finally gotten to the point that my kids are at ages where it’s easier to do things (with and without them). I think for the very early years you kind of live in survival mode, so now I finally feel like I can come up for air.
Simone says
Well I am the opposite and I can tell you that getting to know people can be overrated. Lol! I am the person that even strangers feel comfortable spilling their guts to me. While I am happy that people feel comfortable talking to me, it can also be exhausting. I’ve had to cut off quite a few people because their problems really started to drain me. Stopping by from SITS!
Lauren says
Yikes! It’s funny to hear from the ‘other side’ on this one. There are definitely pros and cons to each personality type!! It’s nice to know it’s not all roses over there 😉
Jennifer-Mommy Life After PhD says
Great post, and YES we use all the excuses in the book to stay at home, but it’s really worth it to get out there sometimes!
Lauren says
It’s definitely easier to stay at home, but it’s easier to miss out that way too!