Public Instagram Etiquette for Dummies

Hello fellow Instagram users, #instagrammers #igers #whatevs

Let’s begin with: Is this article for you? #DontWannaWasteYourTime

If you have a private Instagram account where you share pictures of your kids with family and friends, this article is not for you. In fact, you’ll probably be totally confused by it. #YouProbablyWontGetIt

If you have a public Instagram account because you just didn’t think to make it private, this article is probably not for you, but you might relate to the points I make. #IBetYoullGetIt

If you have a public Instagram account and are a public figure of some sort, if you have a blog, or if you sell stuff, this article is for YOU. You’ll either relate to what I’m saying or be guilty of what I’m saying. Either way #YoullDefinitelyGetIt

Moving on. #HereWeGo

If you’re looking for an article about how to use Instagram, you’ve come to the wrong place. As someone who uses the app once or twice a week at most, I’m no expert. #ThisAintInstagramUSEForDummies

Instagram is a decidedly ‘young person’ app and I am one of those rare unicorns who is uncomfortably sandwiched between being a GenXer and a Millennial (oh the existential crisis! Who am I? Where do I belong?). #WhyAmIHere

As someone on the older end of the Instagram spectrum I’ve joined in because it’s a necessary part of my profession, but there are things about it that I find odd and annoying. I really feel most at home on Facebook where the old fogeys hang. #ImOlderThanZuckerberg

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Maybe the behaviors that I find annoying are par for the Instagram course, but in case they’re annoying to more than just me, I’ve decided to address them in hopes that the guilty parties will read this and change their ways. #BigDreams

Also, I’ve included GIFs to appeal to the younger crowd. #ImSoCool

1. Don’t unfollow someone after you get them to follow you

There’s this thing I do when someone I don’t know starts following me on Instagram: I check out their profile. If they have thousands of followers, but are only following 12 people, that’s a big red flag to me that they’re just trying to get me to follow them and once I do, they’ll drop me like I’m hot. #SnoopDoggReference

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And when I further consider the fact that I’M one of the 12 people they’re following, that red flag changes to a giant flashing neon sign that says, “THIS PERSON WILL UNFOLLOW YOU AS SOON AS YOU FOLLOW THEM BACK”. #YoureALoserIfYouDoThis

Listen, unless you’re a Kardashian, there’s no reason that your follower count should be a bazillion and your following count should be 3. Don’t unfollow someone after they follow you. It’s a crap move. #YoureNotAKardashian

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2. Don’t leave irrelevant comments

This is similar to #1 in that it’s a sucky way to get people to follow you. Let me explain what I mean with an illustration. #WordPics

I once posted a blurry picture of the top of my in-laws refrigerator with the caption “#tbt to that time my kid took 89 pictures of my in-laws’ refrigerator”. It was not a good picture. It was grainy. It didn’t have a pretty filter. You couldn’t even tell what it was except that I told you in the caption. These are the comments I got:

“Inspiring!”
“Hands clapping emoji”
“I am totally in love with your page! Thank you for sharing your life and photos!<3 “

So maaaaybe that last one could be possibly true since I definitely share our life, even though it’s not usually through a beautiful lens, but isn’t it odd that someone who is “totally in love with” my page doesn’t actually follow my page? #SheBrokeMyHeart

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If you’re the type of person who writes what you think is a generic message, checks a hashtag related to your page, and then goes hogwild pasting that message on everyone’s pictures, STOP IT. It’s annoying. Your message is probably not even remotely relevant to 90% of the photos. Of course, if you’re the type of person who does this, you’re probably also the type of person who really only cares about gaining superficial followers, so in that case, carry on I guess. #ButThatsNoWayToLive

https://www.instagram.com/p/BKqtFmJA6Nb/?taken-by=ohhonestly

3. Don’t try to sell stuff to people you don’t know

[sparkly heart emoji] Hi love, I know this might be kind of random but I need pictures for my portfolio and I have a few spots left for my 40% discount. I have {insert whatever person is selling}. Would you be interested in trying any of these products?

This is an actual word for word (except for the bracketed part) direct message I received from a stranger. I reeeeally wanted to respond to it, but that would have been rude, so instead I’m writing a passive aggressive blog post to address her lack of etiquette. #ConfrontationAvoider

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Before I go any further, let me say that I have no problem with people selling stuff. Wraps, drinks, kitchenware, fake fingernails, oils, jewelry, whatever. I think it’s great that you’ve found something you enjoy doing and that it makes money for your family. What I do have a problem with is someone I’ve never had any contact with ever in my entire life (real or online) suddenly calling me Love and asking me to buy stuff. #JustNo

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First of all, don’t call me Love (or Beautiful or Sweetie or… fill in the blank). I’m not any of those things to you because five seconds ago you didn’t know who I was and the only reason you know who I am now is because you found me through a hashtag and think I’m a sucker. #ImNot

Second, if you need pictures for your portfolio, why not offer to send me a free item in exchange for said pictures? Or here’s an idea: Actually start following me. Comment (with relevant comments) on my pictures. Share your life with me. Let’s actually get to know each other. Like for real. And then, several months from now, approach me about your products. I might still say no. But I might say yes. And you can know for sure that I won’t block you and write rants about your selling techniques. #SoTheresThat

I guess the takeaway here is that in order to have good Instagram etiquette, all you have to do is follow the Golden Rule. If you love to have people pretend to be interested in you when all they’re really doing is using you, then by all means, do that to other people too. But if you actually value people because they’re, you know, human, then try to treat them the way you want to be treated. Wouldn’t that make Instagram a nicer place? I sure think so. #DoUntoOthers