If this is your first time joining me for the Keeping It Real Challenge, please click here to find out what it’s all about.
I like to go for walks with my kids. It gets us out of our house and yard and gives me the illusion that I’m getting some exercise while enjoying time with my children (I say illusion because really, how many calories do you burn when you’re walking at the speed of a two year old?).
Before we leave the driveway, I imagine us all walking amicably, side by side, chatting about nature and life, laughing at little jokes, bonding in that sweet way that only family members can.
And then we actually go for the walk. And it sounds like this:
“Annelise, don’t go past the crack! We’re not ready to leave yet!”
“Eli, are you riding your bike or not? No? Then you can’t leave it in the middle of the road.”
“Samuel, put your helmet on! I know you have training wheels, but you have to wear your helmet on the road.”
“Let’s go!”
“Samuel, stay on the side!”
“Slow down Eli.”
“Over on the side, Annelise.”
“Samuel! Get on the side!!”
“Here comes a car. Everyone stop.”
“Eli, walk!”
“Eli, walk!!”
“ELI, STOP RUNNING!”
“Aww, look! A chipmunk.”
“Samuel, get on the side.”
“Eli, don’t grab your brother’s bike like that! You’ll knock him over!”
“Slow down boys!”
“Annelise, you have enough rocks. No more!”
“Let’s go.”
“Get on the side!!”
“Hello, neighbor I don’t know. Please don’t judge me for yelling at my children. I’m really a very nice person most of the time.”
“Boys, wait for us!”
“Annelise, how about you ride in the wagon now? No? Okay, stop screaming. You can walk.”
“Time to turn around and head back!”
“Samuel, stop at that mailbox.”
“Samuel, did you hear me?”
“SAMUEL! Stop. At. That. Mailbox!”
“Hello, other neighbor I don’t know. You’re probably just squinting because it’s really sunny today and the only thing running through your mind is if you’re going to be late for your appointment, but I feel that stare and impatient scowl as a direct assault on my crappy parenting skills. Well you know what? Your dog barks too much.”
“Samuel, you’re in the middle of the road. Again. Get on the side!”
“Annelise, come on! Your brothers are getting way ahead.”
“Boys, wait!”
“Boys, slow down!”
“Boys, STOP NOW!”
“Oh finally. Our house! We made it.”
I wonder why the neighbors don’t like us…
And now the part of the post where I share pictures of our real, everyday life.
We played a game at Little Fenway on Saturday. It was Eli’s dream come true.
Annelise got in on the action too. She’s pretty good! 
Believe it or not, I’m extremely thankful for this prickle bush. Samuel fell backwards off the rock and although it wasn’t terribly far to the ground (maybe three feet), if the bush hadn’t broken his fall, he could have been seriously injured. Instead, he survived with a few minor scratches. Praise God for bushes, even the thorny ones! 
Have a great week and remember to keep it real!
Cynthia says
It’s so nice to know I’m not alone!
My kids and I would go for walks years ago and they sounded so much like that it’s unreal!
Now my daughter drives, has been for about 3 yrs now and instead of yelling…”Slow Down”, ” Get on the side”…Wait, I do still say those things, nevermind, lol I also added a few expletives and maybe a prayer or two that I live through that ride with her. Enjoy your walks for as long as you can because once they start driving you too may have to pray you stay alive.
Lauren says
Hahahah! Thank you for the laugh! My cousin told me she was recently yelling at her pre-teen boy to stop running with a jack knife, so I guess I should be thankful for these days of yelling with little chance of injury, lol.
Tania // Run To Radiance says
haha I love the keep it real challenge. I love going for walks with my husband and whenever we bring our dogs it’s insane—they tug and pull and sniff and bark…not exactly like having children, but I can sort of relate. 😀
Lauren says
Yes! You picture this serene walk and instead it’s chaos!
Liz says
Haha simply awesome. What is with that eternal optimism?! I am ballsy (=crrazy) enough to walk to the grocery store with my 3 kiddies. Two may still be in the stroller, but insanity ensues nonetheless. Think tandem cookie feeding, picking up dropped shoe(s) for milllionth time, and all the while explaining why we won’t be getting __ toy today in a “measured” tone). And yet, every single freakin time, despite swearing to myself that it is the absolute LAST time, I find myself heading out a week later, with those same ridiculous delusional dreams of this fun-filled family trek O_o
Oh and btw, I had to call my husband to see this post right away. Seems like you are now officially “that hilarious mom who keeps it real” in our house now! A title well-earned! 😉
Lauren says
Aww, I’m honored to receive that title!! And yeah, you’re exactly right about the eternal optimism. Every. Single. Time. Oh well, I guess I’d rather be an idealist than always pessimistic. Occasionally we have a halfway peaceful time (just today in fact!). It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than most, haha.
Kristen says
LOVED this post! And it’s so true…I can’t imagine walking with 3! I try to keep them contained in the stroller when at all possible!
Lauren says
I do too, but Annelise is at the stage where she really wants to walk now… and she likes to scream if she isn’t getting her way 😉
Angela says
So funny and so very true! Going anywhere with more than two kids (the one kid per hand rule) is a task all in itself. Luckily for us, two of the boys are big enough (9, 11) to now help hold hands of the littles (2.4) unless I stick them in the stroller for our family walks that don’t usually last much past our street-the littles start to complain that we’ve been walking forever, unless its Halloween when suddenly they can walk a marathon! xoxo
Lauren says
Yeah, we walk to the end of our road and then turn around. That’s about all we can handle 😛 If I’m with only one or two and can put them in the stroller, we’ll go farther.
Elise says
I think EVERYONE sounds like that when walking with toddlers! It may not burn a lot of calories, but it is exhausting!!! :0)
Clarissa says
Oh I understand this! My two year old can be a total terror when going out (even on short walks!) When I go out solo (today I took my one and two year old to a couple stores) I put the youngest in the Ergo carrier and the oldest goes in the cart. However there are days when my oldest is having a tantrum and the only thing that calms him his being in the carrier on my back while my little one sits in the cart. Oh the leg workout I get on those days!! (P.S. I LOVE my Ergo because it can easily carry my two year old! Worthy investment indeed!)