Last week I shared tips for families who have food-allergic children on how to transition smoothly to school. This week I want to talk to families who do not have children with food allergies. Hopefully the following four insights will give you a peek into our world and a bit of food for thought. (I should point out that these are my thoughts on the subject. While I can’t speak for every family who deals with food-allergies, I think most would agree. If not, please share your thoughts in the comments below!)
Four Things Families With Food Allergies
Want You to Know
1. We’re not just rude or overly paranoid
If we want to read the labels on the snack you brought to school or if we won’t let our child eat your homemade goodie, it’s not because we’re trying to be rude and it’s definitely not because we’re just being paranoid.
My son’s allergies are not severe. He needs to actually consume the food before he has a reaction. However, over the past four years I’ve read hundreds of food labels and I’ve learned that the foods he’s allergic to show up in all kinds of things you might not expect, like bouillon cubes and lollipops (not that you’d bring a bouillon cube to school for snack, but you get my point!).
Repeat exposure to an allergen can sometimes result in more severe reactions, so we try to avoid those foods as much as possible. And let’s not forget that some children already have severe allergies to certain foods and any contact with those foods (even if it’s in the air) can be potentially fatal.
2. We really appreciate it when you follow the rules
If your child ends up in a nut-free classroom, please don’t send her to school with Nutter-Butters for snack. Whatever particular rules the school or individual teacher has set up, it’s put in place to protect the health of someone, so please do your part. You wouldn’t send your kid to school if he was sick and contagious, so please don’t send him to school with something that might cause an allergic reaction.
3. We’re not upset with you for forgetting about our child’s food allergies
I was 28 years old when we found out about Samuel’s food allergies, so I know what it’s like to not give that sort of thing a second thought. I know what it’s like to make cookies to share without reading any labels. I know what it’s like to go to a potluck and choose whatever happens to look good to eat. In other words, I can relate.
So when you make something and I tell you I can’t give it to my son, I’m not upset. When I’m pulling something away from him that you just put in front of him, I promise I’m not giving you the hairy eyeball (and I’m also not trying to be a jerk. See #1.)
4. On the flip side, if you remember our child’s food allergies, we will love you forever
I know I just told you that we don’t expect you to think about making allergy-friendly snacks. However, if you have the desire to, you’ll win big points with us. There have been a handful of times when someone has gone out of their way to ask me what they could make that would be okay for Samuel to eat. Every time it’s happened my hubby and I have been so blessed that 1) They even thought about it, and 2) They were willing to make extra work for themselves in order to include our son.
Every parent knows how heartbreaking it is to watch their child be excluded. When your child has food allergies, this becomes a regular part of life. Most kids with allergies are used to it and often times it doesn’t even phase them, but speaking from a mother’s heart, it’s hard to watch everyone partake of a special treat except your child. If you have the time, ability, and resources to include our children, we will never forget your kindness.
Tove Stakkestad says
This is a great reminder to the “not allergic” community. This year my son shared small goodie bags with his class instead of cup cakes. There is a kid in his class with nut allergies. While I realize that a goodie bag full of stickers and pencils is maddening to the parents, I figured it was a safer bet than giving something that would exclude an innocent child… so pencils and stickers it was! I will share this with my friends too!
Lauren says
That’s a great idea! And what kid doesn’t love stickers? Thanks for sharing!
Lauren says
My kids dont have food allergies but we are very aware of it, since lots of my friends kids do. My son is always like.. “Mom dont put ANYTHING peanut in my lunch, since then I can’t sit next to Mario at lunch!”
Lauren says
It’s so great how kids rally around each other. My oldest (who doesn’t have any allergies) has a kid in his class who does have food allergies and it’s really neat to see how the whole class looks out for him. I hope Samuel’s class will be like that too!
Kelly Miller says
It is not easy to deal with all this things and I hope people understand that a single peanut can cause my daughter’s life.
Lauren says
It’s definitely scary when the allergy is that severe! Thanks for commenting Kelly!
Linda Mechel says
I am not a kid by any means 69 yrs young celiac person, but the one thing I find bugs me a lot is how people feel SOOO bad when you go to a party. I either bring something I can eat or may be grab veggies or chips. I’m happy, and I am having fun and mingling. One person I know left her party to go get me something I could eat. That makes me feel bad that they are so upset. I keep telling them I’m OK, I’m used to it and it doesn’t bother me at all if I can’t eat everything.
Lauren says
Yeah, I don’t want people to feel bad about it. We’re used to dealing with it and they’re not.
Chelsea says
My daughter has food allergies to where her throat swells shut. It is so scary when it happens. We have just in the 5 months found out about this allergy, but it has quickly became the norm in our family and extended family that everything be On her list of approved foods. If we really want something she can’t have, we get her an alternative. I have taken snacks to school that she can have and if there is a party, I provide her with a cupcake she can have. So far her teacher and the other parents have been great. Luckily she doesn’t really feel left out yet, but it is so hard as a parent and I find myself constantly worrying when I’m not there for meals,snack,etc. I love this! Thank you!
Lauren says
That’s so scary. I’m thankful that my son’s isn’t severe, but my heart goes out to the families who do have severe ones.
Crystal says
My son doesn’t have food allergies, but he has short bowel syndrome, he’s on a feeding pump from 6pm to 10am and has a lot of intolerances. We used to have problems all the time with teachers forcing him to eat other things than what was in his lunch! Because it wasn’t what they always deemed as healthy. Pizza rolls, chef bouyardee, things like that. And he can’t have ANY juice whatsoever he has bike salt issues and it makes his butt turn into open sores because it comes out like battery acid. He missed so much school because they would make him drink juice, or other things that really hurt him.
my heart really goes out to you! I couldn’t imagine having to live in that kind of fear! He’s homeschooled now, he’s 9, but if the year I have homeschooled him his weight has went from 33 pounds to 45 so we think we made the right decision, but it hurts me that he can’t be with the other kids right now. I hope more ppl learn to be understanding and considerate of you protecting your child.
Lauren says
Oh my goodness, that’s heartbreaking and infuriating at the same time. One conversation should have been enough for them to know that wasn’t okay :/